Dreams and Shredded Cheese

I've been having recurring nightmares for months, but perhaps it's because I've been living a dream?

A few weeks after my plane arrived in Korea, I had the first nightmare. I was somehow back in the USA. I wasn't sure how I'd gotten back there, and I wasn't sure how I'd come back, either. There had been some sort of visa paperwork issue that could only be sorted out back in Florida, and I wasn't sure when I'd be able to book my return flight to Asia, let alone what my school would say when I explained the uncertain situation to them.

I woke up worried that I was, in fact, back home.

Since then, those nightmares have come to visit every week. They've taken on different skins, depending on what's happening at that time of the year.

Around March, for instance, the nightmares included pandemic features. Often, in them, I've lost my mask, and no one else around me is wearing theirs. The first stuck-at-home-in-a-pandemic nightmare was pretty funny: I was driving around Orlando, debating where to eat (there are so many restaurants I miss!), and debating if I'd be able to restrain myself from gorging so much at one that I wouldn't be able to eat at any others. In that dream, I only had one day in Orlando, so I called my brother to ask for his opinion. Where would you eat if you only had one day at home? He told me that since there was a pandemic, no places would be open, except for Tijuana Flats. "I love Tijuana Flats!" I said. He then reminded me that, since no other restaurants would be open, everyone would be there, and there'd be a long line, and that it'd be a hotbed for corona. I imagined everyone eating, mask-free, most people infected, and decided not to eat out, after all.

Well, it seems funny when I don't recall all the depressing details. Ha.

There are really so many American foods and restaurants that I miss. Lately, my stuck-at-home dreams revolve around me figuring out where and what to eat. This week, I had a dream that I was wandering around Publix, worried about the mask-less people around me, determining how to get back on a plane to Korea, and searching endlessly for shredded cheese, which seemed to be out of stock. Now, that's a true nightmare. I miss shredded cheese.

There are many things I miss from home, besides shredded cheese, good Ritz crackers, double-stuffed Oreos, Tijuana Flats, Burger King veggie burgers, Ragu pasta sauce, Belvita crackers, IHOP, cheap maple syrup, Morningstar veggie foods, Gardein veggie foods, quality (yet, still inexpensive) pizza, Cheesecake Factory, and Dandelion Cafe (RIP, you delicious community harvest). I miss my family and friends. I miss driving. I miss Disney, Universal, and SeaWorld. I miss fresh air. I miss the funny animal calls of the Everglades. I miss stars in the night sky. I miss the warm, humid air. (My hair doesn't.)

But Korea has been medicinal and therapeutic. It's been soul-satisfying. For everything I miss, there's something new I love. I love being surrounded by mountains. I love learning a new language. I love the challenge of learning how to live a daily life in a place so different, and yet, so similar. I love my new friends. I love the person I've been becoming. I somehow love the cold weather. I love the chance of snow! I love my students. I love teaching. I love Seoul. I love public transportation! I love riding at the front train car of the Sin-Bundang line (around Gangnam area) because you can watch, front-seat, the subway zoom through the tunnels and pull into the train stations. I love hiking, even "hiking" (read: walking) the easy "trails" (read: boardwalks) around the small "mountains" (read: hills). I love eating tofu pockets, tacos from Taco Amigo, veggie crunch-wraps at Lagniappe.

It's been almost a year (just one month and two days away) since my plane touched down in this new world. I had some vague notions then of what I needed to do and learn. I've learned and changed a lot over the past 11 months. Life hasn't been perfect; it has unique challenges, and even some recurring ones that I'd left at home ages ago, come back to visit and teach me a life lesson. Life -- she never rests and never stops teaching.

I'll be here for at least another year, as Life still has much to teach me. I still have much to learn. And with COVID-19 raging on, I am happy, comfortable, and safe where I am. Returning home during the pandemic is scary to me. The daily, and social, and political turmoils I see via social media are surely skewed by the emotionally-infused, bias-laden rhetoric that social media particularly is, but it paints a picture of the home that I love but am not eager to hop back into anytime soon.

Whenever I go back home, I'll be more mature, aware, and me. I'll have more value as a person and citizen. I'll have more discipline and sense of purpose.

I'm not sure if this is my personal walkabout or something else. Do you sometimes feel like you have more questions than answers?

Recently, my recurring nightmares have taken on more dreamlike qualities. I still wake up sometimes, thinking, "Please, I'm not ready to be home." Then I open my eyes and realize that, right now, Korea feels like a home. The things that I miss from home-home make their way into my dreams. It's nice to have some visits from the pleasantries of life, rather than visits from recurring nightmares! I think that's a sign that I'm learning something.

Dreams have always been important to me. I believe they tell us a lot about ourselves and can sometimes reveal answers to personal questions, if we acknowledge them well enough.

What's been your experience with major journeys and/or recurring dreams?