Identity and Friendship: Putting the "I Be" in "Vibe" and "Tribe"

I'm learning a different type of normal.

It's a normal I don't completely understand, yet. There are a lot of things I don't understand, yet.

But I've always understood me. Not all the time. But as a whole, I've felt confident with myself, my purpose, who I am. I'm not perfect, and I'm OK with that. I've always been interested in many things, but beyond all, art and stories. Other people's stories and what others have learned. In people who have stayed positive and optimistic, despite and through adversity. I've been interested in culture. In diversity.

Here, I am the diversity. Korea is a homologous culture. I am different. But I am also no stranger to being different. I'm the Hispanic who looks "white." I'm the white person who speaks Spanish. As I've grown older, I've been the first Jewish person others have ever met. Here, I am often the only white, blue-eyed foreigner in any given place at a time.

But that doesn't bother me. Being different has never bothered me because I am comfortable with myself. I just wish I could communicate.

Language is not only how we make friends; it's how we level ourselves.

Not that that's the only way.

My Aunt Monique told me a beautiful story of growing up in a military family, living in a neighborhood in Japan and making friends without knowing any Japanese. She said that playing is a children's language. Laughter is sometimes enough to communicate. And music. She and her sister would learn Japanese songs phonetically to sing to their neighborhood friends.

My hilarious (and relatively inebriated) neighbor in Orlando, after encouraging me repeatedly that she wasn't trying to scare me (which I assured her she wasn't), taught me the nonverbal language of weapons. (Or tried to, as it's difficult to hold a conversation about self-defense when you're having trouble holding your own drink lol) "I'm not trying to scare you, OK? Nothing is going to happen, but if something happens, then you will be prepared. But I'm not trying to scare you, OK?"

My other neighbor, a Canadian in the USA on a work visa, sat mostly quietly. She taught me the language of listening. "I'd like to give you something for your trip," my first, tipsy neighbor said.

"Is this something I can take on a plane?" I half-joked.

"It's only a weapon if the blade's longer than five inches."

"You can't give her a knife to take on a plane!" my Canadian neighbor finally outburst.

"It has a spray apparatus, too," said my drunk neighbor.

My Canadian neighbor turned toward me. "Do you know what the Korean authorities would do if they found a weapon in your bag? You cannot take that with you." I laughed. Then, my Canadian neighbor and I sat down to chat one-on-one. She works for a security agency. For any political turns our talk took, she lowered her voice to the point of a whisper. She explained that she's a guest to the USA and the government would surely be listening to her opinions. She didn't want to say anything to overstep her boundaries that may cost her job. In my opinion, she never said anything out of line. But I learned that it's often better to listen, to help others, and to practice utmost respect, even when you believe others aren't listening or cannot understand you.

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I don't know where or when or how I got it into my head to say "yes" to opportunities (within reason, of course), but I get into some fun situations and meet some really cool people as a result. Understanding that things will always go wrong and being able to adapt on the fly has made it much easier to keep a positive attitude, and it's granted me access to awesome moments.

After we graduate college, it becomes tougher to make friends. And then come spells of change. Friendships evolve, grow, fizzle. Periods of emptiness and loneliness come when it seems easy to talk to strangers, but difficult to foster acquaintances into anything more. There are periods of being friends with the wrong people. And there are moments when new friendships blossom unexpectedly and social groups spring like flowerbeds.

There's no rhyme or reason to life, but I think saying "yes" to people and opportunities makes life more likely to be interesting. And it gives potential friendships a fighting chance. Or at least gives you an interesting story for later.

Some people may call it your "energy" or your "vibe." "Your vibe attracts your tribe," say so many people that I don't know to whom to attribute the quote, beyond just a bunch of Facebook memes. But there it is.

I've found some of my tribe here so far in Korea. Everyone comes from a different walk of life, a different pocket of the world, but there are similarities amongst those who take the same leap.

Two of my new friends (an elementary school English teacher and her boyfriend from the US Air Force base) are definitely of my same tribe. They're happy, positive people who want to explore the historical and cultural sites of Korea. They've shown me the ropes of where to get food and other necessities, which foods are vegetarian-friendly and which aren't. We invite each other out frequently.

My coworkers in the office are hilarious and I learn something from them every day about how to be a better teacher, planner, and role model for the students. They've taught me also how to be a better cook and have shown me how to be open and generous to newcomers like myself so that I may pass the same kindness one day.

I became very ill this week (diagnosed with a stomach infection) (not the China thing; don't worry) and a coworker accompanied me to the clinic one subway stop away to get checked out. Tangent: Without insurance, here are numbers for the total visit, from the moment I walked into the clinic until I walked out with my prescriptions: Total time: 10 minutes

Total cost: $37 USD

OK, back from the tangent: Every time I step out of my door, I realize that anything can happen, but most likely I will have a great day and struggle to read or speak Korean to some capacity. Walking into the door of that clinic was no different. My coworker offered to stay with me throughout the visit.

"Are you going to be OK?" she asked me before I sat down in the lobby.

"I'll figure it out," I told her.

And sure enough, the doctor spoke perfect English. The ladies at the check-in/out area could communicate with me, too. I bowed in thanks to them and met with the pharmacist. She explained the medicine instructions to me in perfect English. When she asked where I was from, she was so excited to hear me say Orlando and told me all about her uncle who's a pediatrician in Jacksonville. She'd gone to visit and everyone had known who she was, and she'd felt so proud to be known in a different country.

I felt so happy to be understood and helped.

I'm learning that being you will take you as far as you'd like to go in life. Helping others get to where they need to go will take you farther than you'll ever expect.

Despite the differences, I'm finding many similarities on this side of the world. People still want to smile, laugh, help, and feel like they belong. My friends here have very similar traits to my friends at home. Sickness is the same as it is anywhere. And I am inevitably still me, no matter where I go.

In time, this new normal will be mine, too.

Things I'm Doing to Feign Normalcy:

- Play a steady stream of familiar music and podcasts in my apartment

- Watch K-dramas (Korean dramas) so that the language will sound more familiar on the ears

- Bought a piano keyboard (in fact, pretty much the same exact one I have at home!)

- Get out often (when I'm not sick) and explore so that I can fall in love with my new home and become familiar with it

- Cook familiar foods and buy new ones I really like, too

- Put simple, happy decor in my studio that gives it a touch of home